Did you make a long list of all the requirements for your husband (or wife) when you were younger? If so, how many of those attributes did your first husband end up possessing? If you didn’t make that list, you probably have an idea of what your dream partner would have looked like back then. Looking back now you may realize how unrealistic that list of desired attributes really was.

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If the thought of sitting across a candle lit table with someone you barely know and talking about your life scares you, you aren’t alone. There are many reasons to fear dating when you have been through a long term relationship that ended badly.

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Did you have a particular night during your marriage when you went out with your spouse for a date? And now do you feel lonely when Friday or Saturday nights roll around and everyone in the restaurants and stores seem to be on a date? If you aren’t at a place in your post-divorce recovery where you are ready to start dating again, or you are struggling to find dates, it isn’t easy to deal with date nights.

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The biggest difference between married life and post-divorce single life is being solely responsible for every small detail of your life. When you are single you no longer have the convenient ability to pass the blame on to someone else or make excuses when everything turns upside down.

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Here’s something that not all women want to admit: they are genuinely happy to get rid of their husband! Not everyone is a sad wreck after their divorce. Deep down some are happy to be free and on their own. They are happy to have those ties cut so that they can do the things that they have always wanted to do with their lives.

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It’s no secret that divorce changes you. Many people put on a smile and act as if they are happy to be single and free to mingle, but we all know that you don’t go through a divorce and come out the same as you went into it.

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Recently I was asked by a woman, “How do I make the pain in my heart stop?” My own heart ached as I read that question because I remember asking that question of myself once, and many of you reading this are probably nodding your head and saying – yes, I remember too! Some of you are probably still waiting for that pain to stop.

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It’s a difficult moment when you first learn that your ex has moved on with someone new, especially if it occurs much sooner than you expected. This is when the green-eyed monster of jealousy comes out and tempts you to do one of two things:

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When divorce and heartache are fresh, one thing many people do is go under the covers, and hide from the world. They don’t return phone calls and they aren’t particularly worried about brushing their hair or attending previously-scheduled social functions. They simply retreat from the world in their pain, essentially feeling sorry for themselves, or possibly questioning if they have any life ahead of them.

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Sometimes moving on after a divorce is simply a matter of putting one foot in front of the other and seeing what will come from the day. You can’t make yourself do much more. The desire to even get out of bed just isn’t there…but crying your life away and hiding from the day is no longer an option.

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